MENTOR-SHIP BLUES

To be honest with you, I am not sure I know what mentor-ship is about, I have never done this before, not like how it is really done. For a while now, I have said I want to mentor young people, boys and girls but I have never actually been mentored myself by anyone.

I have been thinking a lot about how the aspect of Mentor-ship has been missing in my life. For some odd reason, I have spoken of it and advised people to get a mentor themselves yet I had none. So I took a positive step and reached out to a couple of individuals I thought would help my professional, academic and everyday life, Mentor-ship wise.


After I made the very courageous step of emailing/speaking to three(3) people I admire greatly, I stumbled upon an article which made everything in my stomach turn! I kid you not, I felt sick and embarrassed.

I think I just made the common mistake that most people make when it comes to mentoring - I officially would like to bury myself in the sand now, thank you.


I will shortly share those common mistakes I learnt only today after I express how awkward my life has just become. I did nothing the article advised, I literally went in for the kill " be my mentor or else.." and now I want to retract all my emails *sigh*

I hope it is not too late for you too, lol. I do hope my prospective mentors do not feel pressured into a YES I will mentor you.. or worse, a NO. However, I do appreciate this blog  http://goinswriter.com/ for this article on finding a Mentor. Here goes;


Common misconceptions of mentoring

"I have a passion to see that change. There is a lot of misunderstanding about how mentoring works, including how to begin a relationship with a mentor. Here are some of them:

• Mentoring is about me.
• I need to wait for a mentor to find me.
• Being mentored is more passive than active.
• I need to ask someone to mentor me up-front.

Face it: Everything you know about mentoring may be wrong. It’s time to start seeking out a mentor the right way. In finding a mentor, there are 10 important steps I’ve found that usually work:

1. Find someone you want to be like

Don’t just find someone who has a job you want or a platform that you covet.

Find someone that is like you, someone with a similar set of strengths and skills you want to emulate. Otherwise, you’ll just end up frustrated.

Spend some time finding the right person. In fact, have several candidates before committing to a single mentor.

2. Study the person

Follow his blog. Get to know people who know him.

If you don’t know the person well, see if he is really like his public persona projects.

Make sure you understand his strengths and weaknesses. Set your expectations realistically.

3. Make the “ask”

Don’t ask for the person to “be your mentor” right off the bat. That’s a big ask. Far too big for the first meeting.

Rather, ask for an initial meeting — something informal, over coffee maybe. Keep it less than an hour.

Come with questions that you’re prepared to ask, but let the conversation flow relationally. (Note: the formality really depends on the potential mentor’s communication style — something you should be aware of before the initial meeting.)

When in doubt about when to make the ask, just go for it. (That’s what I do, and it usually works.)

4. Evaluate the fruit

After meeting, do you want to spend more time with this person?

Did she begin the meeting by encouraging you or telling you what to do? Did she ask questions, or wait to provide answers?

Did you leave the meeting feeling better about yourself? Was a connection made? If not, feel free to let the relationship go and seek out someone else, instead. You don’t have time to waste on a self-centered tyrant.

If it went well, then immediately put together a follow-up plan.

5. Follow up after the meeting

This is not like dating. It’s okay to appear overly ambitious. You want this person to know that you’re serious.

It’s appropriate to follow up immediately, thanking your prospective mentor for her time.

A good way to do this is via email or other form of passive communication, so that you don’t appear overbearing or waste the person’s time.

This is also a good time to mention that you’d like to do it again. If she reciprocates, offer to get something on the calendar. (You may need to suggest a time.)

Make sure that it feels relaxed and not contrived. You’re still vetting each other at this point.

6. Let the relationship evolve organically

We sometimes place too high of expectations on mentoring. We want to give it a name, because it gives us a sense of status and importance. But really it’s just a relationship.

Mentoring is organic. It’s healthy to let it grow like any other relationship — over time and based on mutual respect and trust.

Don’t force it. That will kill a potential mentoring relationship faster than anything. Give it time; it needs to grow.

7. Don’t check out when you feel challenged

I was recently speaking with a friend who’s mentored a number of young men over the years. He said the saddest part about what he does is that a lot of guys check out whenever he challenges them.

It will happen. You’ll get to a point where your mentor will feel comfortable enough to call you out. And what you do next is crucial to your growth.

Remember: this is what you signed up for. Don’t wimp out when it gets tough; this is where the really good stuff happens.

8. Press into relationship

Don’t wait for the mentor to initiate. Learn how to manage up. Persevere. Ask for more of your mentor without demanding it.

This doesn’t bother him (at least, it shouldn’t). It honors him. It shouldn’t be a big deal to ask this person to coffee or lunch, outside of your normal meeting time.

If a mentor can’t be a friend, then he’s probably not a mentor. Finding ways to solidify the bond you’ve created will only strengthen the relationship.

9. Ask your mentor for feedback

Feedback can be hard, but it’s good. As your relationship with your mentor progresses, this will be the #1 way you grow. It will be a highlight for the both of you.

While asking for feedback may initially feel weird, eventually it will become almost second-nature. You will find yourself thirsting for those words you used to fear.

Similarly, a good mentor will treat these times with great care and sensitivity.

10. Commit to the process

You can’t be mentored in a summer. That’s an internship. Mentoring takes real time and real work.

In order for it to be a real mentorship, you have to commit to the relationship. Come hell or high water, you’re going to make it work. Then, you will begin to understand what it means to be a student, a disciple, a protege"

I feel like a let down but do share how you went about getting a mentor, maybe i am not a complete failure. Or should i just wait on the emails to be returned?! #yikes.

I repeat, I hope its not too late for you - and if it is, apologise to the Prospective Mentor for being ignorant of the process. lol

BODY, SOUL AND POLE DANCE

Getting to know my body and its limits has been an interesting journey thus far.

I know exactly what I want my body to be able to do and likewise, what it shouldn't.. but to be honest, I want no limits, I want it all.

My fitness Goals evolve every so often as I change habits and I have found that with my past schedule not allowing me any time to write, I still made time to feed my body and soul - That level of Commitment to myself impresses me. *shrugs to self*

It is with that same level of commitment that I have decided to embark on this new challenge in search of pole dancing classes.

Yes, okay, I get it, the Zambian society is probably frowning at this, jaw dropping piece of news. I know it is probably socially UN-ACCEPTABLE perhaps because it is associated with strip clubs and night clubs, but really it is just a form of performance art that combines dance and aerobics centered on a vertical pole - and recently has become a form of fitness.. and guess what.. it is my fitness goal and I am willing to put myself through it - *smiles at the thought*

I have read that pole dance requires a lot of significant strength, flexibility and endurance and that clearly ticks every box on my fitness goal for the coming year.

Pole dance basically involves athletic moves such as climbs, spins and body inversions using the limbs to grip *shrieks with excitement*. I may seem excited but I also know the amount of work that will be required of me and my body. My upper body and my core strength are required to attain proficiency and the training will apparently be very laborious. I am Ready!

Fitness for me is a lot about what I want to feel like on the inside which will definitely reflect on the outside... and with Pole dance, I am promised that very combination. 

 And NO, I have not YET found a class or any clue where to start but as soon as I do, I am jumping to that opportunity, best believe. I have this one body and I need to know what flying in it feels like. 

So Good luck to me right? *bites nails*

Man in the Arena

  

I recently read the most amazing quote entitled "Man in the Arena", an excerpt from the speech "Citizenship In a Republic" delivered at the Sorbonne, in Paris, France on 23rd April, 1910 by Theodore Roosevelt.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." 

My thoughts are simply these that; I would rather be the man in the arena, the one that knows what blood, sweat and tears taste like than the critic who dare knows neither victory nor defeat!

To me, this is really about choosing to be the fearless version of myself; the one that opened a company that had its ups and downs because she wasn’t certain how to, the one who still went ahead and fought her way up through hard work, planning and strategy, the one who got her fitness back, the one who studied long hours with no sleep to get her school out of the way, the one who never gave up because the economy seemed nuts and everything was falling apart. The one who does and eventually becomes everything she ever dreamed of. 

I want to forever be that fearless version of myself.

The battle between the great me and the average me - ashamed to say that the average me has won a lot of those battles. When asked what my biggest fear is, I would say it has been the fear of my true potential - of finding out where exactly I belong in the food chain... but really and truly, with great power comes Great RESPONSIBILITY, could it be that that is my greatest fear? 

 So many questions, but at least I am asking them.

Again I say, I would rather be that man in the Arena, because the Arena is a training ground for who I really ought to be. I will fall and get bruised, maybe more than once, that's a given. But the arena is where I belong. The pews are too crowded anyway.

 Bless

STYLE CRUSH TUESDAY

Fashion blogging is really big in Africa now. some Fashionistas are making a proper living out of it - from styling celebrities in their country to selling products for stores and let's not forget the amazing features in Magazines and the recognition that comes with it. It amazing to see that one can make money from their passion, especially in Africa.

The other get thing about fashion bloggers is that you get to see the best of all Fashion worlds literally, the expression of self is indescribable.

Currently, my style crush has to be the beautiful and stylish Ada. Her outfits are so easy and comfortable and others sophisticated and daring yet so relatable - she dresses up and down with such ease. She throws pieces together effortlessly - she is definitely my STYLE CRUSH TUESDAY!

 

 

For more of her style, follow her on instagram @stylebyada or check out her website where i got all these lovely images of her >> http://www.noordinaryshe.com/

<3

POLITICS OF CHANGING MY LAST NAME

When I meet him, I will know him.

He will love me like Christ loved the church, he will carry me when I am weak, we will be each other’s relief on a long busy day. He will like trees. He will smell like…..men! he will smile so wide that he will draw anyone and everyone in. His teeth will be imperfectly perfect. He will tower over me but never make me feel like a subordinate. We will be equals, partners in this thing called life….

And when I say I do… I will be happy to be called Mrs xxxxxxx. I am not giving up my independence, I am not giving up my family name.. I am still a woman, I still have my ambitions and my goals and all the wonderful things I would like to achieve, I would like to believe. I am not giving up anything, as a matter of fact, i am gaining something – gaining a whole new family that I will love and care for, a whole new set of friends that have loved him all their life. I am gaining a whole New responsibility - one that I have to carry with dignity, wear it with honor.. almost like I must give a slight bow every time someone refers to me as Mrs xxxxxxxx. I am a winner!

And if changing my name to His makes us happy, I will. It’s not a hard and fast rule – its beautiful. I will not be less of myself, a Nakazweh / Sikazweh because my last name changed.. Oh dear me, I will be blessed to be called his Wife.

And when God blesses us with children, we will raise them the best way we can…and they will carry OUR last name.. and their kids will carry our name and the list will go on until the last of us.

So if you ask me again why I will change my last name, I will say it’s because I can!

...and I ask you, why the politics?

I hate candy!

I absolutely hate candy. Don't get me wrong, I eat it, but I hate it. Jelly totes have an even weirder taste yet they suck you in just after the first one. But something they forget to tell us about candy is the tooth decay!

This is kind of like a bad habit.  Sweet, instant gratification but the repercussions are fatal and mostly permanent..

However, this is really about how much I hate candy!

It makes me incredibly happy in the beginning and then I hate myself for what it feels like in my mouth.. but spitting it out is not an option so I brave it all, down the damn thing and finish the job with a bottle of water. That is how much I hate candy! :D

THRIFT DATE

A date with some of Lusaka's quirkiest fashionistas and bloggers meant adventure and fashion in the same sentence. 

We decided our second real date would be a visit to a thrift warehouse somewhere in our City... I mean, what better way to spend an afternoon with crazy fashion heads than to thrift together¿

It is nearly impossible  to get us all in one place at the same time because of our hectic and diverse schedules, but we did so well done to us :)

We will each blog about the outfits we thrifted and how we dressed up or down each piece.. this should be exciting..

Follow these awesome beauties and take a look at their thrift pieces from the date;

*missroxyboyd.blogspot.com

*misskundwe.wordpress.com 

*www.mafashio.co.zm

Instagram

@missroxyboyd

@mafashio_zambia

@misskundwe

@thehungrybard

@limposcarlet

@shahzadi_kahyi

Picture evidence of what we got up to that afternoon;

LETTER TO MY 16 YEAR OLD SELF

ON BOYS

At this age, I should warn you. If he tells you he loves you he most probably does not know what he means – or maybe he does. I can see a lot of relationships lasting that started at this age so I don’t know what to tell you, Uhm, stay away from them?!  Make lasting friendships if they feel right but do not be swayed by cheap talk. I really do not know what to tell you. I think you are doing pretty well.

The one thing though, do not let a Boy define your beauty.  You are GORGEOUS!

ON BULLIES

Bullies are cowards! They prey on who they think is weak because they themselves are weak, in fact the weakest. Pray for them because you will never know the struggle they have. And you, do not believe what they say about you. Like you have always done. Continue to be yourself. Your teachers will see your potential and elevate you!

You will know what I mean when You get to this age. They are either your friends now, or……… I don’t even know where they are. They simply don’t matter!

ON CAREER

To be honest with you, I would confuse you now if I tell you that you will follow in your Father’s footsteps and become an Insurance and Risk Management official.. and you will study Law, yes, law, at the insistence of your mother, (who by the way truly knows everything….like google) and guess what else, you will not only like to draw on paper, you will take it a higher and paint people’s faces. Yes, I know, this one is a shocker considering at this age, all you care about is being as good as your brother and rapping as well as Eminem (all tapes censored, I know). So do not worry too much I think, just study hard and put yourself at an advantage, ready for anything.

ON LOVE

Take your time, this may sound cliché to you but trust me on this, When you meet him, you will know. He will smell like Safari for men and you will enjoy his cooking, yes, he will be able to cook very well. And you will most probably live like hippies because deep down, that is what you are... but you are only 16, don't worry about those things. Eyes on the Prize!

ON FRIENDS

All the friends you made at this age, your inner circle is…….. guess what……………………………………………. STILL your inner circle. So love them right, protect them, eat with them, pray with and for them. You may all not be in the same town or time-zone but believe me when I say they have your back. They will call you on your birthday, they will call you and keep in touch every time something important happens in your life. Later, you will meet some more beautiful souls, nothing like you ever thought existed. You will love them, they will love you and help you and you will learn from them.. you will be super excited about these friendships. they will become your sisters. Good People Exist! 

ON GOD

Child! keep trusting in Him for He really does control everything. experience Him for yourself to have the full experience. i wish you well on that! PRAY!

ON FAMILY

……..LOVE THEM, LISTEN TO THEM, HUG THEM, KISS THEM and DANCE with your FATHER!!!! you will make mistakes, heck they will make mistakes but they truly are Heaven's gift to you - God's very image! so Treasure the moments and Love all the ups and downs because that is what makes you. I know this now, they want the best for you so embrace it and thank them. 

Lastly, I wish I could spend time coaching you on what to do right but the MISTAKES have made you so much better.. so enjoy this life and make the best of every moment!

PEACE

Once attained........ everything else feels like a none-entity. Peace is something known to man only when it lacks..

I have never known a peace such as this only after letting go of my burdens..

I often wonder why it takes so long to undress oneself for peace.. but I guess it takes a long time for the lessons that come along with the lack of peace to be fully appreciated.

I choose Peace!

NUDE

I felt naked, stripped down of my clothes.. of everything.. my reasoning, my views, my opinions, my thoughts, my dreams and desires..
It was true.. I was NUDE!

At first I wanted to hide and then I realised there was no place to go that He did not know.. there was nothing I could do that He would not find out.. He would find out, He would find me!! it was true.. I was NUDE!

So now, I gathered myself and decided to just face Him.. I was ready with my defence.. I mean, what was the worst that could happen? I would either have to face Him or ....... face Him. There was no way out of this one.. it was true.. I was NUDE!

Mind made up, I was going to face Him.. and like a baby with its body full of sand, I was NUDE before the Lord.. and that was the best decision  I ever made.. because Nothing else mattered.

It is true.. I AM NUDE!!

White Vans and a Simple Life

She said wear them everyday, and I did.. without fail, yet each time they still looked so bright!

I have not the fondest idea of where I will be in the next 5 years, believe it or not.. I know that would displease a panel of interview judges but it's true.. I know I would like (heck, love) to be successful and working my dream job and raising a munchkin or two, happily married yada yada.... but to be fair, that is living too far a head of myself..

Don't get me wrong, I want all those good things listed above, like anyone else I have aspirations.. but for once, can life just be lived for now and less Projected!

I do believe what you do today will reflect tomorrow and hard work really does pay off.. I also believe in God! In Him being the centre of it all, so before I get so consumed with my 5 year plan that I forget my right now, I will Keep my Life Simple;

In particular order, i have right now plans to eat, sing a song, write a poem, dance, find a plant and name it Pumpkin, call a friend, drink some water, play a sport, love, run, pray, buy a gift for a friend, read a short story, buy another plant, call mum, design something, eat again, take a walk, clean my room, buy a t-shirt with a message, cut my hair......or not... aaaagh, I just want to keep it Simple!!!

A Basket of Sunshine

I guess the day you begin to believe in yourself, if even for a little bit, is the day your life really begins.

The color Yellow! Vintage piece and Frilly sleeves.. just like sunflowers, I am a  happy girl.

Happy Fathers Day

....Did you know that father's day is on the 3rd Sunday of June? (According to Wikipedia..lol).....that makes it fall on a different day of every year!!!  ... This year it falls on the 21st June.. that should be exciting!!

Please remember to do something exciting for your fathers. 

That said, my Father's day is EVERY DAY because he lives in my HEART <3

This look is a Father's day look because I adopted his suspenders :)