HAPPY NEWYEAR/BIRTHDAY TO ME

My year literally begins on my birthday.  So this is HAPPY NEW YEAR FOR ME.

My entire life so far can be described in one very easy sentence: "everything I planned did not happen as I planned but I got the best out of Life regardless".

With that,  I guess I have learnt not to make any New Year Resolutions.  Don't get me wrong,  I have absolutely nothing against New Year Resolutions - I just don't make them for myself. 

I love the freedom of having to change my mind in the course of the year,  the liberty of switching my plans that I thought would work for some that can actually work because the weather took an unforeseen turn or the economy plummets suddenly.  It really has a lot to do with not wanting to be stuck to my one resolution and waiting the following year to implement a New one.  Oh No!  That's not me!

So,  with the Supernatural help of God,  I wish myself a year of;

1) Fitness and Good health 

3) Great ideas and the Energy to implement them 

4) Great friends and the heart to love them   unconditionally
5) Job 'satisfaction' and the wisdom to work smart
6) Experiences that last a life time
7) Humility to be able to serve others
8) A Heart to love and show love
9) The Hunger to Know God more
10) The Zeal to Keep pushing,  Growing,  Learning and Feeding off of everyone I meet.

I pray for a heart that perseveres,  one that never gives up.  I pray for a Fearless heart and the Passion to CREATE!

Most Importantly,  I pray for God's will over my Life because in the End,  that's all that matters.



MENTOR-SHIP BLUES

To be honest with you, I am not sure I know what mentor-ship is about, I have never done this before, not like how it is really done. For a while now, I have said I want to mentor young people, boys and girls but I have never actually been mentored myself by anyone.

I have been thinking a lot about how the aspect of Mentor-ship has been missing in my life. For some odd reason, I have spoken of it and advised people to get a mentor themselves yet I had none. So I took a positive step and reached out to a couple of individuals I thought would help my professional, academic and everyday life, Mentor-ship wise.


After I made the very courageous step of emailing/speaking to three(3) people I admire greatly, I stumbled upon an article which made everything in my stomach turn! I kid you not, I felt sick and embarrassed.

I think I just made the common mistake that most people make when it comes to mentoring - I officially would like to bury myself in the sand now, thank you.


I will shortly share those common mistakes I learnt only today after I express how awkward my life has just become. I did nothing the article advised, I literally went in for the kill " be my mentor or else.." and now I want to retract all my emails *sigh*

I hope it is not too late for you too, lol. I do hope my prospective mentors do not feel pressured into a YES I will mentor you.. or worse, a NO. However, I do appreciate this blog  http://goinswriter.com/ for this article on finding a Mentor. Here goes;


Common misconceptions of mentoring

"I have a passion to see that change. There is a lot of misunderstanding about how mentoring works, including how to begin a relationship with a mentor. Here are some of them:

• Mentoring is about me.
• I need to wait for a mentor to find me.
• Being mentored is more passive than active.
• I need to ask someone to mentor me up-front.

Face it: Everything you know about mentoring may be wrong. It’s time to start seeking out a mentor the right way. In finding a mentor, there are 10 important steps I’ve found that usually work:

1. Find someone you want to be like

Don’t just find someone who has a job you want or a platform that you covet.

Find someone that is like you, someone with a similar set of strengths and skills you want to emulate. Otherwise, you’ll just end up frustrated.

Spend some time finding the right person. In fact, have several candidates before committing to a single mentor.

2. Study the person

Follow his blog. Get to know people who know him.

If you don’t know the person well, see if he is really like his public persona projects.

Make sure you understand his strengths and weaknesses. Set your expectations realistically.

3. Make the “ask”

Don’t ask for the person to “be your mentor” right off the bat. That’s a big ask. Far too big for the first meeting.

Rather, ask for an initial meeting — something informal, over coffee maybe. Keep it less than an hour.

Come with questions that you’re prepared to ask, but let the conversation flow relationally. (Note: the formality really depends on the potential mentor’s communication style — something you should be aware of before the initial meeting.)

When in doubt about when to make the ask, just go for it. (That’s what I do, and it usually works.)

4. Evaluate the fruit

After meeting, do you want to spend more time with this person?

Did she begin the meeting by encouraging you or telling you what to do? Did she ask questions, or wait to provide answers?

Did you leave the meeting feeling better about yourself? Was a connection made? If not, feel free to let the relationship go and seek out someone else, instead. You don’t have time to waste on a self-centered tyrant.

If it went well, then immediately put together a follow-up plan.

5. Follow up after the meeting

This is not like dating. It’s okay to appear overly ambitious. You want this person to know that you’re serious.

It’s appropriate to follow up immediately, thanking your prospective mentor for her time.

A good way to do this is via email or other form of passive communication, so that you don’t appear overbearing or waste the person’s time.

This is also a good time to mention that you’d like to do it again. If she reciprocates, offer to get something on the calendar. (You may need to suggest a time.)

Make sure that it feels relaxed and not contrived. You’re still vetting each other at this point.

6. Let the relationship evolve organically

We sometimes place too high of expectations on mentoring. We want to give it a name, because it gives us a sense of status and importance. But really it’s just a relationship.

Mentoring is organic. It’s healthy to let it grow like any other relationship — over time and based on mutual respect and trust.

Don’t force it. That will kill a potential mentoring relationship faster than anything. Give it time; it needs to grow.

7. Don’t check out when you feel challenged

I was recently speaking with a friend who’s mentored a number of young men over the years. He said the saddest part about what he does is that a lot of guys check out whenever he challenges them.

It will happen. You’ll get to a point where your mentor will feel comfortable enough to call you out. And what you do next is crucial to your growth.

Remember: this is what you signed up for. Don’t wimp out when it gets tough; this is where the really good stuff happens.

8. Press into relationship

Don’t wait for the mentor to initiate. Learn how to manage up. Persevere. Ask for more of your mentor without demanding it.

This doesn’t bother him (at least, it shouldn’t). It honors him. It shouldn’t be a big deal to ask this person to coffee or lunch, outside of your normal meeting time.

If a mentor can’t be a friend, then he’s probably not a mentor. Finding ways to solidify the bond you’ve created will only strengthen the relationship.

9. Ask your mentor for feedback

Feedback can be hard, but it’s good. As your relationship with your mentor progresses, this will be the #1 way you grow. It will be a highlight for the both of you.

While asking for feedback may initially feel weird, eventually it will become almost second-nature. You will find yourself thirsting for those words you used to fear.

Similarly, a good mentor will treat these times with great care and sensitivity.

10. Commit to the process

You can’t be mentored in a summer. That’s an internship. Mentoring takes real time and real work.

In order for it to be a real mentorship, you have to commit to the relationship. Come hell or high water, you’re going to make it work. Then, you will begin to understand what it means to be a student, a disciple, a protege"

I feel like a let down but do share how you went about getting a mentor, maybe i am not a complete failure. Or should i just wait on the emails to be returned?! #yikes.

I repeat, I hope its not too late for you - and if it is, apologise to the Prospective Mentor for being ignorant of the process. lol

BODY, SOUL AND POLE DANCE

Getting to know my body and its limits has been an interesting journey thus far.

I know exactly what I want my body to be able to do and likewise, what it shouldn't.. but to be honest, I want no limits, I want it all.

My fitness Goals evolve every so often as I change habits and I have found that with my past schedule not allowing me any time to write, I still made time to feed my body and soul - That level of Commitment to myself impresses me. *shrugs to self*

It is with that same level of commitment that I have decided to embark on this new challenge in search of pole dancing classes.

Yes, okay, I get it, the Zambian society is probably frowning at this, jaw dropping piece of news. I know it is probably socially UN-ACCEPTABLE perhaps because it is associated with strip clubs and night clubs, but really it is just a form of performance art that combines dance and aerobics centered on a vertical pole - and recently has become a form of fitness.. and guess what.. it is my fitness goal and I am willing to put myself through it - *smiles at the thought*

I have read that pole dance requires a lot of significant strength, flexibility and endurance and that clearly ticks every box on my fitness goal for the coming year.

Pole dance basically involves athletic moves such as climbs, spins and body inversions using the limbs to grip *shrieks with excitement*. I may seem excited but I also know the amount of work that will be required of me and my body. My upper body and my core strength are required to attain proficiency and the training will apparently be very laborious. I am Ready!

Fitness for me is a lot about what I want to feel like on the inside which will definitely reflect on the outside... and with Pole dance, I am promised that very combination. 

 And NO, I have not YET found a class or any clue where to start but as soon as I do, I am jumping to that opportunity, best believe. I have this one body and I need to know what flying in it feels like. 

So Good luck to me right? *bites nails*

Man in the Arena

  

I recently read the most amazing quote entitled "Man in the Arena", an excerpt from the speech "Citizenship In a Republic" delivered at the Sorbonne, in Paris, France on 23rd April, 1910 by Theodore Roosevelt.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." 

My thoughts are simply these that; I would rather be the man in the arena, the one that knows what blood, sweat and tears taste like than the critic who dare knows neither victory nor defeat!

To me, this is really about choosing to be the fearless version of myself; the one that opened a company that had its ups and downs because she wasn’t certain how to, the one who still went ahead and fought her way up through hard work, planning and strategy, the one who got her fitness back, the one who studied long hours with no sleep to get her school out of the way, the one who never gave up because the economy seemed nuts and everything was falling apart. The one who does and eventually becomes everything she ever dreamed of. 

I want to forever be that fearless version of myself.

The battle between the great me and the average me - ashamed to say that the average me has won a lot of those battles. When asked what my biggest fear is, I would say it has been the fear of my true potential - of finding out where exactly I belong in the food chain... but really and truly, with great power comes Great RESPONSIBILITY, could it be that that is my greatest fear? 

 So many questions, but at least I am asking them.

Again I say, I would rather be that man in the Arena, because the Arena is a training ground for who I really ought to be. I will fall and get bruised, maybe more than once, that's a given. But the arena is where I belong. The pews are too crowded anyway.

 Bless

STYLE CRUSH TUESDAY

Fashion blogging is really big in Africa now. some Fashionistas are making a proper living out of it - from styling celebrities in their country to selling products for stores and let's not forget the amazing features in Magazines and the recognition that comes with it. It amazing to see that one can make money from their passion, especially in Africa.

The other get thing about fashion bloggers is that you get to see the best of all Fashion worlds literally, the expression of self is indescribable.

Currently, my style crush has to be the beautiful and stylish Ada. Her outfits are so easy and comfortable and others sophisticated and daring yet so relatable - she dresses up and down with such ease. She throws pieces together effortlessly - she is definitely my STYLE CRUSH TUESDAY!

 

 

For more of her style, follow her on instagram @stylebyada or check out her website where i got all these lovely images of her >> http://www.noordinaryshe.com/

<3

POLITICS OF CHANGING MY LAST NAME

When I meet him, I will know him.

He will love me like Christ loved the church, he will carry me when I am weak, we will be each other’s relief on a long busy day. He will like trees. He will smell like…..men! he will smile so wide that he will draw anyone and everyone in. His teeth will be imperfectly perfect. He will tower over me but never make me feel like a subordinate. We will be equals, partners in this thing called life….

And when I say I do… I will be happy to be called Mrs xxxxxxx. I am not giving up my independence, I am not giving up my family name.. I am still a woman, I still have my ambitions and my goals and all the wonderful things I would like to achieve, I would like to believe. I am not giving up anything, as a matter of fact, i am gaining something – gaining a whole new family that I will love and care for, a whole new set of friends that have loved him all their life. I am gaining a whole New responsibility - one that I have to carry with dignity, wear it with honor.. almost like I must give a slight bow every time someone refers to me as Mrs xxxxxxxx. I am a winner!

And if changing my name to His makes us happy, I will. It’s not a hard and fast rule – its beautiful. I will not be less of myself, a Nakazweh / Sikazweh because my last name changed.. Oh dear me, I will be blessed to be called his Wife.

And when God blesses us with children, we will raise them the best way we can…and they will carry OUR last name.. and their kids will carry our name and the list will go on until the last of us.

So if you ask me again why I will change my last name, I will say it’s because I can!

...and I ask you, why the politics?

I hate candy!

I absolutely hate candy. Don't get me wrong, I eat it, but I hate it. Jelly totes have an even weirder taste yet they suck you in just after the first one. But something they forget to tell us about candy is the tooth decay!

This is kind of like a bad habit.  Sweet, instant gratification but the repercussions are fatal and mostly permanent..

However, this is really about how much I hate candy!

It makes me incredibly happy in the beginning and then I hate myself for what it feels like in my mouth.. but spitting it out is not an option so I brave it all, down the damn thing and finish the job with a bottle of water. That is how much I hate candy! :D